Endings and new Beginnings...or is it just life...and its eb and flow

Its been ages since I wrote...and allot has been transforming on many levels...

There have been some massive endings...and from this divine re-birth....however something that has come from it that has been a massive gift of sorts, is the complete and utter contentment with how everything is and complete and utter gratitude for everyone and everything...

Last week as I was sorting through old boxes from my childhood in preparation for our move...letting go of the old...and I remembered allot of people who had crossed my path and our stories came to mind....

In the past I look at those stories from the viewpoint of them affirming my lack of worth to some degree or another...these days however I noticed the gifts each and everyone of them had brought to my love and my heart welled with love and gratitude for them all. Sure of the experiences had not been so enjoyable, yet there were sweet gitfs within each of them and looking back on them from a space of perfection, balance and love I was able to see them...

It also showed me how far I had come...in terms of my own internal mirror I am projecting now...

And then as always the universe gives me a little affirmation...and this time it was a yumi youtube viedo...talking about life and its perfection and how when we see it so, the truth of it all..wow, well for me it just affirmed my choice in my daily creations of love...

So I recommend taking a moment to listen to this and enjoy the pictures and notice how you feel inside and how your body reacts to these words...

Ready for 2012 & Beyond - Abraham Hicks

With Love Marakiyha

On the wings of Angels...

May my next steps be taken....as tears flow as I write this post, in mourning for a relationship and a union I held dear to my heart....I ask that my angels carry me through this massive transformation I am going through....a few nights ago...after the end became final...I stumble across this song on youtube....well you can say stumble but actually I think it was my angels letting me know they are near and hear me....are holding me and helping me through this massive time of change....as I listened to the words of the song....they resonated so deeply with my heart....and as my arms swung wide open falling to the ground in despair...I let me heart let go....the tears streamed down my face...my body convulsing in release....

The song many of you will know...


How cleansing and healing my tears have become for me on this journey...for too long I would not let them flow for fear of the emotion that came with them....however now after hours of crying...I recognise and have experienced the deep healing and clarity that comes with the letting go and honoring of how I am feeling...

I now welcome my tears...and feel 'safe' to honor the emotions that are asking me to see more deeply into myself...I also now see how so much of my energy has been taken up with living with beliefs that are not meeting my needs and are based on decision made via fear not love...and then perpetuating this suffering with suppressing emotions that where letting me know its time to change....to shift...to transform my reality I am creating...and STOP looking outside of myself to change my 'surroundings in hope of bring greater peace within....

As I noticed today and have also been trying to show my daughter...it does not matter what is going on externally....you can be surrounded with complete chaos...yet sitting in a complete state of peace....however the chaos will rub you up the wrong way if you are not honoring the chaos within that needs your attention....so I now look at a messy room differently....its now a reminder when I am getting frustrated with the chaos to look within and honor may chaos and create the peace within first....

So in the arms of my angels, I give thanks for the love and support my dearest friends have shown me on my journey....with you and my angels holding me I have managed to deepen, strengthen and love the truth of me and my shadows a little more and see they gifts with greater clarity that going within offers...

Namaste Marakihya

My life has been a lie...to enter the abyss...

Delving deeper in my current truths the beliefs that have been shaping my reality, one painfully controlling one is that I am worthless...yes worthless...and in response to getting triggered in this belief, I become angry and avoid all connection...in the hope of feeling powerful...well this leaves me in one lonely place...and I no longer want to create this reality....

Sure my head says I am worthless, however my heart does not believe it....lol not!!

So up until this point in my lfe I have been living and believing and creating the reality that I am worthless all the while trying to disprove this,,,approving of it...

Basically meaning,,,that I have lived a lie....OUCH to say the least...for numerous reasons...however a biggy being that I let myself live with such a ridiculous belief which has held me in a pattern of suffering...and all that I have created has been a lie...my ego although had me believing otherwise...

Now choosing, to no longer live this lie....and live from my heart not my head, I come to a moment where I no longer know myself for who I use to be was based on a big fat lie....and who I am in this moment is a worthy person....

However to really integrate that reality into my being into my living....experiencing that as a truth..there is one step I have taken which has been tough to say the least....

Forgiving others has not been the issue...forgiving myself for allowing myself to live with such a lie for so long for creating a life that was a lie...ouch...pain poured out of my heart, in fact out of every cell in my body...such sadness and grief...for the life I wanted to be living, have lived and the suffering I have caused myself...

Accepting my life until this point has been a lie has probably been one of the toughest things I have done...on all levels...as it meant facing, my past, the abuser and no longer standing in victim-hood, but in an empowered loving empathetic state....

I am exhausted,,,,I am relieved...and I am excited about re-birthing myself in my new reality...

With Love Marakihya