Delving deeper in my current truths the beliefs that have been shaping my reality, one painfully controlling one is that I am worthless...yes worthless...and in response to getting triggered in this belief, I become angry and avoid all connection...in the hope of feeling powerful...well this leaves me in one lonely place...and I no longer want to create this reality....
Sure my head says I am worthless, however my heart does not believe it....lol not!!
So up until this point in my lfe I have been living and believing and creating the reality that I am worthless all the while trying to disprove this,,,approving of it...
Basically meaning,,,that I have lived a lie....OUCH to say the least...for numerous reasons...however a biggy being that I let myself live with such a ridiculous belief which has held me in a pattern of suffering...and all that I have created has been a lie...my ego although had me believing otherwise...
Now choosing, to no longer live this lie....and live from my heart not my head, I come to a moment where I no longer know myself for who I use to be was based on a big fat lie....and who I am in this moment is a worthy person....
However to really integrate that reality into my being into my living....experiencing that as a truth..there is one step I have taken which has been tough to say the least....
Forgiving others has not been the issue...forgiving myself for allowing myself to live with such a lie for so long for creating a life that was a lie...ouch...pain poured out of my heart, in fact out of every cell in my body...such sadness and grief...for the life I wanted to be living, have lived and the suffering I have caused myself...
Accepting my life until this point has been a lie has probably been one of the toughest things I have done...on all levels...as it meant facing, my past, the abuser and no longer standing in victim-hood, but in an empowered loving empathetic state....
I am exhausted,,,,I am relieved...and I am excited about re-birthing myself in my new reality...
With Love Marakihya
Sure my head says I am worthless, however my heart does not believe it....lol not!!
So up until this point in my lfe I have been living and believing and creating the reality that I am worthless all the while trying to disprove this,,,approving of it...
Basically meaning,,,that I have lived a lie....OUCH to say the least...for numerous reasons...however a biggy being that I let myself live with such a ridiculous belief which has held me in a pattern of suffering...and all that I have created has been a lie...my ego although had me believing otherwise...
Now choosing, to no longer live this lie....and live from my heart not my head, I come to a moment where I no longer know myself for who I use to be was based on a big fat lie....and who I am in this moment is a worthy person....
However to really integrate that reality into my being into my living....experiencing that as a truth..there is one step I have taken which has been tough to say the least....
Forgiving others has not been the issue...forgiving myself for allowing myself to live with such a lie for so long for creating a life that was a lie...ouch...pain poured out of my heart, in fact out of every cell in my body...such sadness and grief...for the life I wanted to be living, have lived and the suffering I have caused myself...
Accepting my life until this point has been a lie has probably been one of the toughest things I have done...on all levels...as it meant facing, my past, the abuser and no longer standing in victim-hood, but in an empowered loving empathetic state....
I am exhausted,,,,I am relieved...and I am excited about re-birthing myself in my new reality...
With Love Marakihya
It is amazing how powerful truth is, sometimes too powerful to accept. It is in acceptance of truth that we empower ourselves to realise our divine selves. Thank you for sharing x
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